The Dictionary of Embarrassment
by Pandatryoshka
Summary: Feliciano finds a strange dictionary where the secrets of the countries, including his. Who wrote the dictionary, and how does it pop up everywhere they go? OC, T, human names used.
1. Embarrassment, Begin! : 1

`Hetalia: The Dictionary of Embarrassment

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Vash-kun, Ruegen and Switzerland-kun. Happy late birthday. X.x

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"But it really did happen! Doitsu is a clean-freak!"

Feliciano sniffed and tried to push the point that Ludwig was indeed a clean freak.  
Said German shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Feli. . . . Vhere did you get vhat?"  
"It was in this dictionary I found! I looked up Germany and it said you were a closet pervert, clean freak, and younger brother of Gilbert-slash-Prussia! Ve. . . . Don't get mad at me!"

Alfred began to laugh and leaned closer to Feliciano.

"So, Feli, dude, did it say anything about me, the hero?!"  
"I-I didn't look in the A's. . . ."  
"Oh."

Yao jumped up from his seat, looking excited.

"Did it say anything about me, aru?!"  
"I only looked in the G's."  
"Aiyaa! Next time look in the C's, aru!"  
"V-ve. . . . Okay."

Gilbert slung his arm around Matthew, who smiled softly and snuggled into his boyfriend's chest.  
The self-centered albino smirked and patted his Matthew's head.

"It better say I am the awesome Prussia! Also, something sweet about Bird."

Matthew blushed and hid his face in Gilbert's hair.  
Alfred grinned.

"That's so sweet, dude, so sweet. Anyway, Feli, where did you find the dictionary?"

Feliciano pouted and thought.

"In the library. I was just looking around for art books, and it fell on my head."  
"Aiyaa! Let's go to that library, aru."

_~Timeskip, If You Please~_

"Ve. . . That's strange. It was here, right here."

Feliciano jabbed a finger at the table, pouting all the while.  
Yao looked under the table and stood up, dusting his knees.

"It's not under there either, aru."  
"Where could it be, da zee~?"  
"Maybe it was checked out, da~?"  
"Let's go ask the librarian where the bloody heck it is."

Yao hurriedly asked the librarian, but she said she'd not seen any such book.

"Why don't you ask Elizaveta, the other girl? She might know about it."

She pointed to a brown haired girl talking to a bespectacled boy.  
The platinum blonde librarian smile and folded her arms over her oversized chest, then patted Yao.

"I haven't worked here for a long time, just two weeks. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to help."  
"It's fine, aru."

Feliciano and Kiku trotted over to Elizaveta, and asked her about the dictionary.  
She said she hadn't seen it, either, and she'd worked for the library since forever.  
So they gave up their search and were walking home when Kiku yelped.

"Dude, like, are you okay?"

Alfred turned, looked at where Kiku was pointing and pounced on a blue book.  
Looking through the pages, he grinned and held it up.

"This is the dictionary we've been looking for!"  
"What does it say about me, aru?"  
"What about me, read, read, read!"

Everyone crowded around him, trying to get a glimpse of the entries.  
Alfred turned to the K's and read:

" 'Kiku Honda: The quiet Japanese with a secret love for yaoi and kitty-cats. Younger brother of Yao Wang, or China. Is secretly dating Im Yong Soo, or North Korea.' "

Kiku blushed and pointed an accusing finger at the dictionary.

"Not true! I like cats, but not yaoi!"  
"I didn't know you were dating my younger brother, aru."  
"But I'm not!"

Alfred flipped to the M's and looked first at Matthew's.

" 'Matthew Williams: Super quiet younger brother of Alfred F. Jones. Hardly noticed, unless it's his boyfriend Prussia, or Gilbert. Has a strange obsession with maple syrup, polar bears and is forever hit on by France or Francis.' "

Gilbert smirked and peered over Alfred's shoulder.

"At least everything's good about Bird."  
"What about me, aru!"

Yao poked Alfred's shoulder repeatedly and whined a long string of 'aru's'.

" 'Yao Wang: The immature grandfather of nations. He looks younger than he really is, because he's four thousand years old. Weird obsession for pandas, cats, puppies, cuddly things and food. In short, all things cute, and dinner. Says 'aru' or 'aiyaa' a lot. Dating Ivan Braginski.' "  
"Aiyaa! I'm not dating Ivan, aru!"  
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, I totally believe you."

Feliks, who'd not shown up until now, patted Yao on the back and grinned.

"Like, we all know you're dating. _I_ wouldn't date Ivan, though. He's, like, ugggglyyyyyyy."

Ivan began to 'kol' loudly, and Feliks ran off to his date with Toris.  
Alfred sighed.

"It does exist. I was starting to think Feli lied after all."  
"Ve. . . . That was mean. I don't like lying."

Felicaino began to sniff, and he turned to Ludwig.

"Ve. . . Luddy, do you think I lied?"  
"No, no, you didn't. Vhat does it say about me, Alfred?"

Alfred flipped to the L's.

" 'Ludwig Beilschmidt: Younger brother of Prussia, or Gilbert Beilschmidt. Clean freak. Super serious and likes wurst. Yuck.' "

Ludwig sighed.

"We shall find out out who is does vhat tomorrow. I'm tired. Feli, Kiku, let's go. Also, leave the dictionary in the care of Arthur or Yao."

Alfred nodded and tossed the blue book to a still-seething Yao.  
Said panda-lover was threatening to tear the book apart, so Alfred gave it to Arthur.

And the beginning of the mystery began.


	2. Panda and Toris : 2

Hetalia: The Dictionary of Embarrassment, Chapter Two

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: T-kun and all the reviewers. :3

Warnings: Human names used and lots of. . . . craziness!–idiot laugh-

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"Da zee, aniki! Want to go see Arthur-san and looked through the dictionary more, da zee?!"

Yao grumbled to himself and turned to his energetic brother.

"Sure, aru. I have nothing else to do, aru, so I might as well."  
"Da zee!"  
"Calm down, aru."

_~Timeskip, If You Please~_

"It disappeared last night while I was drinking tea. . . I was wondering where the bloody heck it was."

Yao sighed and Yong Soo fidgeted beside him.

"Where could it have gone, da zee?! I was wanting to read mine!"  
"Calm down, aru. We have no idea where it could be, aru, so there is really no point in searching for it."  
"I didn't want to keep the bloody thing anyway."  
"Maybe that's why it's gone-da zee! British people are stupid, da zee!"

Yong Soo earned a slap from Yao and Arthur, and Arthur said he'd call everyone and ask them if they had it.

_=Meanwhile, In a Certain Lair…=_

An evil laugh echoed off walls and the clattering of pens could be heard.  
Toris, quaking as if he'd seen a ghost, peered from behind the door.  
What he saw was far from his expectations.

"Who's there?!"

Fabric swished, and a short girl with ash-brown hair and hazel eyes turned, meeting frightened eyes.

"You're. . . . A little girl!"  
"What did you say?! I'm nearly thirteen and you have the guts to call me little?!"

She stomped over to Toris, and he backed up.  
Her lips suddenly curved into a devious grin.

"Ooh, I take it you are Lithuania? Hmmm, hmmm, hmm. Perfect. I was needing help."  
"I'll help you with anything, but first, who are you?"

The girl spun around and cackled.

"Vantty 'Panda' North! But you can call me Van or Panda."  
"T-To-"  
"I know your name. Okay… Hehehehe…"  
"What did you need my help with?"

**{Back To The Crack}**

"Aiyaa! So are you saying that a ghost got it or something, aru?!"  
"I didn't say that desu yo! I said what if it disappeared?!"  
"That's basically the same thing, oui."  
"Shut the bloody carrots up, Frog."  
"Vee! Calm down everyone!"

Several eyes turned to Feliciano, who whimpered and clung to Ludwig.  
Yao sighed, and his shoulder sagged.

"But who could be doing this, and why-aru?"  
"I'd say it was Frog and his bloody stupidity."  
"I'm not stupid, oui. . ."

Ivan pulled out his waterpipe and put it on the table.

"When I find out who, they will be history, da!"  
"Don't murder anyone! What if it is Yao, da zee!"  
"Yao wouldn't make such comments about anyone, da~."  
"That's true-aru! I wouldn't be so mean-aru!"

Gilbert sighed and hugged Matthew.

"Well, if it isn't you, Alfred, Arthur, or Frog, who could it be?"

Matthew whimpered, low, and hugged Gil back.

"Ivan!"

Said albino blinked and pointed at himself with a confused look.

"Me? I'm not the one, da~."  
"Well, who else would write such bloody evil entries?!"  
"Just because you don't like him doesn't mean you have to say that, oui."

Francis patted Ivan hesitantly, then hid behind Arthur.  
Resulting in a very bloody Francis getting thrown out of the room (Obviously…).  
Feliks sighed, stood up and trotted toward the door.

"Well, like, this is getting really boring. So, like, I'll see you later. It isn't me or Leit-chan, by the way."

And he was gone.  
Yao stomped his foot frustratedly.

"Then who, aru?!"


	3. New Suspect : 3

Chapter Three – Third Embarrassment: New Suspect

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Vash-kun and all the **reviewers!**

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"Well, of all places. . . ."

Kiku shrugged, gestured toward the oven and shook his head.

"It was there when I wanted to cook breakfast."  
"Aiyaa! This is very strange indeed-aru!"  
"Is is bloody strange. H'nn, I'd say Ivan is doing this."

He squeaked in surprise when Ivan pulled out his waterpipe.

"Didn't I say it wasn't me yesterday? Kolkolkolkolkolkol. . . ."  
"Uh. . . . Don't go waving that bloody pipe around!"

_-Change Of Scenery?-_

Van hummed happily and waved goodbye to Toris, who'd helped her with the entries last night.  
Toris waved back, then ran off to wherever. (Probably to a date with Poland again…)  
Said yaoi-loving girl closed the door and rubbed her hands together.

_Just because Leit-chan helped doesn't mean he won't have an embarrassing entry. But I'll make it nicer than the other's. . . Yahahaha! Bow before me, world!_

Cackles filled the room again, evil but cute as flufflies.

_-Back To Wherever. . .-_

"So, like, Leit, where were you last night? I was, like, totally worried about you!"

Toris trembled a bit, but put on a smiling front and hugged Feliks.

"I was so tired, so I fell asleep in the park."  
"Like, that must've been scary!"  
"Not really, Fe. . ."

The duo were silent for a while, until Alfred ran into them, panting and looking as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Dudes! I'm so happy you're here right now! There was this girl at the bookstore! She said she knows where the dictionary comes from!"  
"Aiyaa! Her name's Panda, aru!"

Toris frowned.

"Yao-san, what was her name?"  
"She said to call her Panda, aru. But her name is Van, aru."

_What is she doing around. . .?_

"Well, let's go talk to her some more!"

When they arrived at the bookstore, they were rather surprised to see Ivan clinging to her with wide purple puppy eyes.

". . . .I don't know if I could do that. I don't really dress Lolita unless it's Boy Lolita or Guro Lolita."  
"B-but. . . . You'd look cute as a Classic Lolita."  
"Quit clinging to me!"  
"S-sorry. . ."

Yao hopped closer to them and tapped Van's shoulder.  
Her attitude did a noticeable three-sixty, and she jumped up to hug Yao.

"Hi! Uh. . . . Hi Feliks, Toris."  
"H-h-hello. . ."

Toris frowned at her, asking why she was out and about.  
Her brown eyes sparkled deviously: _It's my game, of course. Remember?_

"Oh. . . Right. Feliks, let's get going. Ivan's here again!"  
"What? I thought you weren't scared of me!"  
"Leave them be. Anyway, Yao-kun, what did you want to talk about?"  
"Oh right! Tell us more about the dictionary."

Kiku, who was walking by, noticed the crowd made up of Yao, Ivan, Alfred and Van, and went inside the bookstore.

". . . .That's all I know. Sorry, Yao-kun."  
"Oh! No problem at all, aru!"  
"E-eh. . . . Excuse me."

Four pairs of eyes turned to Kiku, and he blushed severely.

"A-ah! Uhm. . . . Hello, Yao-san, Alfred-san."

Ivan and Panda pouted.

"Why did you forget me!?"  
"U-uh. . . Sorry. Are you talking about the dictionary?"  
"Yeah, dude, we are. We know where the dictionary comes from now."

Kiku's eyebrows raised.

"Well, that's good. From where does it come from?"  
"It's kept in this cave somewhere near. That's the only thing she knows."  
"Oh. Well. . . . I must see you later; I have work to do."

Kiku bowed and left quickly, wondering why 'Panda' knew about the dictionary.  
Maybe Alfred was talking too loud again.

_Oh well. . . . Maybe it's coincidence that they met?_

Little did they know there were several forces working inside. . . . .

_**Omake~**_

"What else does it say, potato bastard?"

Romano bit into another tomato and glanced at Ludwig, who was holding the offensive dictionary.  
He looked as if he could eat or kill the thing.

"It. . . . It says that you, Spain and I are fat bastards. . . ."  
". . . . ! Really! They are the *^%$#! bastards! Darnit! Spain, someone's gotta die soon!"  
"But. . . . . Do you even know who wrote it. . . .?"  
". . . . No."  
"As I thought."


	4. Gilbert Wears What? : 4

Chapter Four – Fourth Embarrassment: Gilbert Wears _What?!_

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Ruegen and reviewers, aru!

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"So. . . . What does mine say?"

Arthur flipped to the G's section and read:

" 'Gilbert Beilschmidt: The self-centered ex-nation. Albino, loves to drink beer and get drunk, annoying West and laugh strangely. Dating Matthew Williams, or Canada. He likes wearing dresses.' "  
"The awesome me is not self-centered! And the awesome me refuses to believe that Oresama is no longer a nation, ja! Also... Bird wears dresses. Because he always insists to be the uke, not me, ja."  
"Sorry . . . . That's what it says."

Gilbert stood up and picked Matthew up, went to the door and left.  
Alfred shrugged.

"What does it say about me?"  
" 'Alfred F. Jones: An idiotic hamburger lover. Secretly dating England or Arthur Kirkland. I'm surprised he isn't obese yet.' I agree with the last part! You should be obese now, from eating those bloody hamburgers."  
"Shut up, dude! Not cool, not cool!"  
"Like, aren't you forgetting someone?"

Feliks appeared behind Alfred, and quickly flipped to the F's.

" 'Feliks Łukasiewicz: Short, blonde, and annoying. Likes to crossdress. Talks in a 'Valley girl' accent. Dating Toris Laurinaitis, or Lithuania."  
"Like, I'm not annoyinggg. Ivan is more annoying than I am."

They looked up in surprise when Francis turned the page and saw his name.

"Read it, Arthur."  
"Oh, no, you read the bloody thing yourself!"  
"I don't feel like arguing, so fine~. 'Francis Bonnefoy: Pervert.' What? That's all. . . I have an entry of literally three words. Only three."

He didn't get a reply, because everyone had turned to the door.  
Panda was standing there, dressed in a Guro Lolita outfit.  
She smiled and waved, then sat down beside Alfred.

"Do you mind if I read with you?"  
"Not at all. I was getting bored with hitting one these two."  
"I say you stay, Panda. Oi, Frog, shut up and start reading."  
"Want a hamburger?"

Panda laughed, shook her head and took the dictionary.

"No thanks, Alfred. I ate just a bit ago. If you like, I can email you the entries? Just gotta give me your addresses."  
"Sure! I'll give you everyone's, because no one can resist emailing the hero!"  
"Hahaha. . . . Okay."

_~Timeskip, If You Please~_

Panda sat in front of her computer, typing entries.  
First was Ivan's, sent to vodka_and_sunflowers .

_Hi Ivan. Panda here, sending you the thingy-thing written in the dictionary._

_Ivan Braginski: Tall, creepy and rather childish. Likes vodka, sunflowers, and matryoshka dolls. Is forever stalked by his younger sister, Belarus, but is dating Yao Wang/China._

_Don't flame at me._

She giggled and clicked 'send'.  
Next up was Ita-chan's, to VePaStA , and Yong Soo's to da_zee-korea gmail, and lastly, (for the night) Antonio's at tomatozrcool

_Ita-chan, here's your thing from the dictionary of doom. . . . Pasta tomorrow, maybe you want to come over?_

_Feliciano Vargas: Short and cute with a very noticeable ahoge. Likes pasta, cats, art and more pasta. Dating Ludwig Beilschmidt._

_3_

-Message Sent-

_Ello Yong Soo. Your thing (Oh fluff, I don't know what to say anymore) from the dictionary._

_Im Yong Soo: Short, funny, but pervy. Always claims Aniki-China's chest, and says that everything originated from him 'da zee'. Dating Kiku Honda._

-Message Sent-

_Hi 'Tonio, say good night to Roma for me. Here's the thing from the dictionary. X.x_

_Antonio Hernández Carriedo: Bubbly and weird, but is still cool. Loves calling people 'his tomatoes', and eating them. Is dating ._

-Message Sent-

And an exhausted but deviously happy Panda fell asleep.


	5. Suspicion : 5

Chapter Five – Fifth Embarrassment: Suspicion

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: To PuroisenKatchen (I am aware I changed your name… Sorry, Meri…)

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"Kawaii aru!"

Yao had his face pressed against the glass, looking at a stuffed panda holding a lollipop.  
Panda, who was standing beside him, nodded and pulled out the dictionary, which Yao had been keeping for some time.  
It'd been a half-week since they'd found the dictionary, but they were still nowhere when it came to finding out who wrote it.

"Ne, ne, Panda-chan, who do you suppose wrote the dictionary-aru?"

Panda shrugged and adjusted the parasol Yao had gotten her.

"Not sure. I think, though, that it is Toni."  
"Aiyaa! Why didn't I think of that before, aru?"  
"That's just my opinion, ne."  
"Paaaaannnnndaaaaaaa!"

Panda and Yao turned around, yelped and began to run for their lives.  
Or rather, their sanity.  
Peter, the nation-wanna-be, was chasing them.  
Everyday he would try to get Panda and Yao to read him a story.  
A very sanity-stealing story about bears eating flowers.  
Over and over and over and over and over.

"Neeeeee! Readdddddd somethinggggggg toooooooo meeeeeee!"  
"N-n-n-no, sorry, not this time, Peter! Sorry about that, ne!"

Peter's shoulders sagged, and he pouted cutely.

"Why~?"

Panda glanced at Yao, then handed him the dictionary.  
Understanding this, Yao began to read:

"Peter Kirkland (?) : The smallest and youngest of all the countries. Well, he's not really a country, ne. He's a gossiping little twit; spies on Arthur and Alfred doing. . . Things.' "  
"Whaaaaat!? I don't gossip! And I'm a country! Hmf!"

Said blonde stomped off to find someone to read his story.  
Yao looked at the entry again, noticing the 'ne'.

"Panda-chan. . . . You say 'ne' a lot. Are you sure you didn't write this?"  
"Yeah, I do say 'ne' a lot, but it doesn't have to be me, ne."  
"But. . . ."  
"I have nothing to do with writing that thing, ne."  
"H'nn…"

Panda was under suspicion, at last.


	6. Interrogation : 6

Chapter Six – Sixth Embarrassment: Interrogation

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But it belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Jayylin, FlamesOfHavoc and RawrDePuffeeeeen.

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used. Some fluff. x3

A/N: Oi. . . . I'm sorry for not updating lately . . . But I was busy, people. I have a life! O.o Don't get too mad. I was bored while writing this, and no one ever gives me ideas on what to write next. Writers block, people! It exists. Help me break it, ne! Anyway, here is this crack-fluff-stuff! /shotandkilled

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"I didn't write it, ne!"  
"How do we know that~?"

Gilbert tilted Panda's head up and glared at her.  
Matthew jumped to her side and patted her shoulder.

"Don't scare her too much, eh?"  
"Awhhh. . . . Anything for you, Bird. But she wrote stuff about me wearing a dress!"  
"I didn't, ne!"  
"Ja~? We know it was you."

Panda struggled against the rope that bound her to one of Gilbert's kitchen chairs.

"Don't they always know, ne!"  
"We have no choice, Bird. Gotta call in Bruder, ja?"  
"Just tell him to not go too hard on her, eh?"  
"Anything for you, Bird~."

Panda pouted and watched her captors exit the room, leaving it silent.  
It wasn't silent for long, though, because Ludwig came marching in, holding the familiar dictionary.  
He set it down on a table and turned to face a still-pouting Panda.  
She huffed angrily, and he smirked questioningly.

"You must've done it, ja. _Someone _had to."  
"But I didn't!"  
"Wetten, dass?-"  
"Hmf. No."

Ludwig's smirk widened, and he folded his arms.

"Then who else?"  
"I don't know!"  
"I found it suspicious when you offered to send the entries to us. . . ."  
"I was trying to make things easy, ne!"  
"H'nnn. I'll ask you one more time, Panda. Did you write it?"  
"No!"

Said German frowned, and Panda just remained obstinate as ever.

"I didn't. . . ."  
"I'll let you go, for now, ja. But I'll ask many things, ja."  
"Fine. But I didn't."  
"If you did, then it'll all come out in the end."

Panda stared at him, then glared lasers into the wall.

". . . . . . . . Please untie me."

Ludwig untied said girl, and she ran off to write more embarrassing things.  
But little did she know she'd been followed.

**Translations: **

Wetten, das? : Wanna bet?

Ja : yes (I'm sure you know that… Hahahaha)

A/N: OI! Leave some reviews and ideas! I need them! ANYTHING! Please!


	7. Confirmation?

Chapter Seven – Seventh Embarrassment: Confirmation. . . ?

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But it belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Everyone who reviewed:** Dancing Shadows Alchemist, Otaku Overlord, Hex the Ninja, Angel of Randomosity (-hoping I spelled name right…?), kkkr, R-D, PridexWretchedluver4ever, and Waveripple of Team Sunrise. **

A/N: I'm sorry for not updating sooner! Don't kill me! –sniff sob wail- Also: Otaku Overlord-san, I'm not good at writing SuFin. So. . . . Forgive me if this is a total fail.

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names used.

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"W-well. . . . I don't really know if there would be anything mean I could say about Natalia. I don't l-like her, but. . . ."  
"Just tell me anything, ne! I need help, Toris. Please!"

Panda was bent over her desk, searching for a suitable pencil and asking him questions about several nations.  
Little did they know they were being watched.  
Toris frowned and cradled his head in his hands.

"Well. . . . She can be cruel and bossy. And the way she clings to Ivan, even though he's engaged to Yao. . . ."

Panda huffed and stood straight, holding a handful of pencils.  
Toris looked up, yelped and hid behind a bookshelf.

"We know _that_ much, ne."  
"I don't know what else to say about her!"  
"Well then. . . . Come on out, Berwald-kun."

A grumpy-looking Sweden stomped out from behind another bookshelf, dragging a terrified Tino after him.

"Why did you drag me along, Su-chan?! It's dark. . . . And scary in here!"

Said blonde pouted and tried to kick Sweden off him, but he just held on.

"What were you here for? Any information, ne?"  
"We know you're writing the dictionary, Vannya 'Panda' Jeruga! Give it up!"

Panda giggled and folded her arms.

"I know you know, Berwald-kun. But what will you do about it, ne?"  
"Tell the others, of course!"

Toris was still hiding, so Panda dragged him out.

"H'n. I'll just get revenge by getting my Toris-kun to spy on you and Tino. Doing your married couple activities. Heeheehee. . . ."

Berwald blushed and hid his face, but Tino shook his head.

"W-we're not married!"

Panda just rolled her eyes and began to write several names on a piece of paper.

"Whatever. Say what you like, ne. I'll always have Toris-kun."

Toris made a scared face and hid behind Panda's desk, not wanting to be beaten up by Ivan for 'assisting the Devilspawn-child-thing, da~'.

"That's rude, little girl. Really rude."  
"Ooh. Wow. Think I really care, ne~?"

Panda just shrugged, turned to smile cheekily at them, and rattled off questions to Toris, who answered shakily.

"Seems like she won't admit anything."  
"Let's just go~~!"

Tino pouted, so they left Panda's hideout.  
Once they were outside, Tino turned to Berwald and frowned.

"Should we tell them?"  
"No. I don't want anyone spying on us."  
"Huh. Good idea."

Panda, though, didn't let them off so easily.

_~Timeskip, If You Please~_

"What? There was a new entry?"

Arthur nodded, handed the dictionary to Tino, who flipped through in as if his life depended on it.

"Ughhhh. . ."  
"What does it say?"

Peter, small and annoying as ever, tried to climb up Arthur's back to read.

"It says we argue like a married couple; Berwald and I. Wait, what?! Why did _you _ask that?!"

Peter just grinned, put a finger to his mouth and shook his head.

"Ugh."

A/N: AHHHH! I'm sorry this is short. . . And late! 3: But I canna' remember Tino or Berwald's last names, and I di'n't wanna just put 'Sweden' or 'Finland', so. . .  
–bows- I'm sorry!


	8. Spilled Beans! Kind of : 8

Chapter Eight – Eighth Embarrassment: Spilled Beans!

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But it belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: All the readers who told me (in my head) 'Panda! Get the next chapter out, quick! Otherwise you'll be sure to experience a painful death.'

A/N: AHH! This is so late! Sumimasenka, sumimasenka, sumimasenka! –bows- Anyway, throw sharp things at me if you don't like it! D: It was late because I got hooked on HetaOni and watched like three parts a day, along with my little sister.

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names are used! Maybe some slight , because my friend wrote the first part. She's a perv. And she won't let me delete it. Ugh. U.u

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

Panda was sitting in a seat at the mall, thinking up new entries for the dictionary. Her peace was interrupted, however, by a very annoying Im Yong Soo, who'd snuck behind her. She had barely enough time to yelp before Yong Soo grabbed her by the chest, giggling all the while.

"Hai~!" Panda quickly shoved him away, blushing and scowling. "Yong Soo! Why'd you do that?!" "It's a greeting~~!"

(A/N: ARGH! That's it! I'm taking over! D:)

"Well, a stupid one! What do you want?!"  
"Heeheehee. . . . Let's say you tell me all your secrets and I'll help with the dictionary~! I'll tell all of aniki's secrets, too~~."

The offer was tempting, and Panda had been thinking about updating and editing the entries for Yao, Gilbert and Matthew.  
Yong Soo tapped his cheek thoughtfully.

"But in exchange of information, you'll help me claim aniki's chest forever, da ze?"

Panda stomped her foot.

"Why would I wanna do that?! I'd be in the path of his karate chops!"  
"Then again, Francis could get me to convince you~~, da ze. . . ."  
"Me?! Near that perv?! I'd rather die. Fine, I'll help you. . . ."  
"Good! Because Philippines originated from me, da ze~~!"  
"Shut up. We were never under your rule."

Yong Soo skipped away from her happily, waving.

"I don't care, da ze! Everything originated from Korea! Me! Including you, da ze!"  
"That's wrong!"

Panda sent one last glare his way before stomping back to her seat.  
Toris, who'd been hiding with Peter nearby, patted her shoulder hesitantly.  
A smile replaced the scowl she was wearing, and she looked up.

"Sveiki, Toris, Peter~!"  
"Sveiki, Panda. Uhm. . . . We have new information."  
"Really? Pray tell?"

Toris and Peter sat beside her.

"Heracles-san and Sadiq-san are dating. . . . But they keep fighting like cats and dogs."

The trio giggled, getting weird looks from the Austrian who was passing.

"Oh, hi Aussie-baka."

Panda turned her back him, facing Peter.  
He leaned closer and whispered something to her.

"Oh! That's right, we haven't done _him_ yet."

Panda nodded and dragged Toris and Peter away, leaving a very confused Roderich behind.

Back in Panda's room, which was where she did her writing for the dictionary, Yong Soo and Antonio plotted.  
When Panda got back, they'd spill everything they knew about their friends and hope she'd tell them something.  
Soon, the door opened, and Panda walked inside, holding a box of strawberries.

"Hai~~!"  
"Hai, hola. What do you want?"  
"_Mi tomato _knows Spanish?"  
"Some. Now, what do you want?"  
"We'll tell you everything, now, da ze."

Panda handed them notebooks and pencils, then went to her computer.

"Gotta check up on my email. Write everything there, and I'll look over it later. Feel free to eat if you get hungry, but leave after you're done. Please and thank you."

Yong Soo and Antonio's jaws could've wiped the floor when Panda said that, but they did as promised and wrote everything, then left, very discouraged.

". . . .Bye, Panda."  
"Sayonara~!"

The cheerful reply was groaned at, at both disappointed boys left.

"We have nothing to tell them, really."  
"We failed."

They ducked as a cushion from the couch was thrown at them.

"Quit plotting and leave already! I know what you're up to!"  
"She knows. . . ."  
"Argh! We'd better leave."

And so, Panda had new information, but nobody else because she threatened she'd skewer Yong Soo and Antonio alive.  
If they told anyone she was writing it.  
Well, pretty stupid, because they all thought it was her. . . .

A/N: Alright! It's done! D: It's late. I'm sorry! Now I can watch HetaOni in peace…


	9. Fess Up Already : 9

Chapter Nine – Ninth Embarrassment: Fess Up Already!

Disclaimer: If I owned APH. . . . Possibility of it being a yaoi show are high. Very high. But it belongs to H.H.-sensei.

To: Demon Sunset on HL.

Warnings: Yaoi. Human names are used!

**{Let The Crack Begin!}**

"Pandaaaaa~, aruuuuuu! I need to talk to you, aru!"

Said girl turned quickly, hearing her name called by Yao.

"Yes? What's up?"  
"Panda. . . ! I need to talk to you, aru! They know you're writing the dictionary, and I don't want you to get in trouble, aru. . . But Why are you writing it, aru?"  
"I'm not writing it! Why would I?"

Gilbert appeared behind her with Matthew.

"Fess up already, Panda. It's unawesome that you'd write that."  
"But I didn't!"  
"We know you did!"

Gilbert shook his head, and Gilbird 'piyo-ed' at her.  
Yao just sighed.

"Panda. . . ."  
"Like, Panda, if you wrote that, it's, like, totally not cool. Not cool."  
"Many displeasing things were said, you know. How do you think we feel about it?"

Suddenly everyone was glaring at her.  
Panda pouted.

"I was bored! Besides, Toris, Peter and Toni helped me with everything!"

Alfred frowned at her, and Feliks gaped.

"I can't imagine Toni doing that, though. And Toris. . . . H'nn. Peter, though, I can understand it. He wanted to help his kohai. . . ?"  
"Like, Liet! Not cool!"

Panda's eyes grew wide when she realized what she'd just said.

"That's. . . . I never meant to tell anyone about that! I mean. . . . Well, uhm. . . . But you can't exactly blame only me. And I'm not saying you should blame Toris or Peter, but. . . ."

She sighed and sat down, suddenly quiet.  
Yong Soo sighed and sat beside her.

"Well, I forgive you, but I can't understand why you'd do that."  
"Toni wanted to do something recording everything about everyone, even the embarrassing things. So he got with me, a fanfiction writer, and we worked on said book with Toris and Peter."  
"Well, that was good, but mostly everything was embarrassing."  
"Aiyaa. . . . I forgive you, aru. You're my little sister, after all, aru."

Panda sighed.

"You sure?"  
"Well, I can't! I don't care if my entry is embarrassing as heck, but why don't I have one yet?!"  
". . .Because I'm too busy to right now."

Lovino rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Whatever. Just get something done soon."  
"Y-yes. . . .?"

He stomped off, muttering about finding Potato Bastard's secret stash of beer or whatever, so Panda was left with Alfred, Yao, Yong Soo, Toris, Eduard, Arthur, Gilbert, Matthew and Feliks.

"Well, I think it'd be a good idea for us to have the dictionary around. It could help with things."

Toris, who was quiet until now, bit his lip and blushed a bit.  
Arthur nodded and shot a glare Gilbert's way.

"We could have it around to scold anyone who's a bit too full of him or herself."  
"You really are sure you want that?"

Alfred nodded and patted Panda.

"Yes, I'm sure. Dude, don't be so harsh next time, though."  
"I won't, probably."  
"Awhh, don't be like that. And I forgive you."  
"Salamat!"

So Panda was forgiven, and the dictionary was worked on.

A/N: So! This isn't the end yet~. :3 Maybe I should write the dictionary just to add a few more chapters…? Give me ideas for entries~, please!


End file.
